Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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