was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
