We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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