I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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