The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
