I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
