Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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