i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
