I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
