I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
