does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
