break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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