they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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