so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
