im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
