Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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