Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
