Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
