I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
