Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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