chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
