Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
