I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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