I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
