Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
