If i come over, it means nothing
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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