I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
