WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
