he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
