i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
