soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
