i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
