We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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