A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
