where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
