he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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