yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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