i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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