yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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