last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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