I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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