Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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