Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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