4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
