it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
