i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
