oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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