so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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