Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
