I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish you could order shots online.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
